Two Years to the Day

Two years ago my heart was overflowing with happiness and my stomach was filled with butterflies as I took my last birth control pill and I knew starting August 1st, 2007 we would start trying for a baby! This would be easy right? I would stop taking birth control and be pregnant within a few months, this is how it worked with everyone I knew… but we had no such luck. Through a series of events her I sit two years later and my heart overflowing with sadness and my stomach filled with knots, but I have faith that it will happen if or when it’s suppose to.

I’m not going to lie and tell you that it doesn’t take its toll on me physically mentally and spiritually- because it does. It does in a way words cannot accurately express, not a day goes by where my heart doesn’t scream out and feels as if it is slowly ripping into pieces. My heart daily tells me to throw my hands up and give up and tell everyone else they win, but I know that will just lead me to bitterness and a lifetime of regret. So here I am two years later in constant physical pain in my heart that only seems to worsen as the days go by, but I know I must keep walking.

The doctor started me on 50mg of Clomid
in May… no baby. So June I had another round… no baby. July a cyst formed on my ovary approximately 5cm long a week and ½ later its down to 1 ½ cm – almost gone! To put it in perspective here is a picture: It went from the size of 3 dried pineapples to the size of a peanut!



Needless to say since the cyst formed I have to skip this month of Clomid
and start back next month with twice as much so I will be at 100mg of Clomid.

On a much happier note!

I have been trying to lose 30 pounds by October and I have lost 10 ½ so far yay! Go me! I have been exercising like crazy, I’ve been dong P90x, drinking LOST of water and watching what I eat (though that is the hardest part) I also started a 15-day weight loss cleanse and flush to stimulate digestion and enhance elimination a fancy way of saying help you regulate your number two’s. I really need to step it up a gear because it seems as if I have been stuck here and can’t get the scale to move down anymore.

Another happy note I will finish with my Associates of Arts Spring 2010 and transfer to a university in Fall 2010, I’m super excited!!! The fun part is applying for scholarships and grants because school is SO expensive! But I am determined to get it paid for. I know I am behind for my age but at least I decided to go back and now I'm almost half way done!!!!

xoxox- Brittny